Retrieval of the Lost [Kristopher]

[Kristopher Roberts]

His eyes stayed closed, he could tell his boogie was stressed, she was acting strangely but not to the point of concern. At times, they where like this with one another, in fact before he was released into the world, he was very close to his madam. So close that many might of been concerned with such a closeness between the two.

But for him, it was normal for them to be close. He had stayed with her since he was seven years old. He had shared a bed with her, ate with her, bathed and slept with the woman at his side. She had taught him everything she thought he needed, improved on things that needed to be. If anything, she controlled his life and molded it into the very thing he was, minus the events that went through his life that changed him.

He made no motions of being upset over her being unable to uphold what he wanted, instead he merely spoke with his soft voice. "I see." An impossible request but one he hoped she could fullfill. He was lost even now, maybe he always had been?

Then the truth came out, one that hurt his heart no matter how true the words where, he wanted to deny them. But he couldn't. "I have strayed far from you, though I had never meant too. Naelona, you must understand, I am only human and I often make mistakes, and bad ones at that."

A sigh escaped his lips, turning his head in towards the gentle kiss he felt upon his jaw. "I just don't know where I stand anymore, I don't know which way to go or how far to run, Naelona. I think I've lost myself...somewhere and that part can never be found."

His working hand came up, resting against Naelona's cold cheek. What could he tell her? She looked so disheartened, she really cared for him and he knew it. He also knew how very bad he was for her, perhaps he should...separate from her, but he couldn't. She was what held him together much like his Augusta did. What the hell happened to him? What made him run from her?

Leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips like he always had done since the moment he was taught, ironically, by Naelona. His forehead touched hers as he pulled away. "I will not leave you, ever. But I can't leave the ones I care for behind. All I have ever wanted was to help others and be loved and accepted. I have that now, and I treasure it."

A soft sigh escaped his lips, he wasn't sure what to tell her anymore. How to make anything of this better, "I have asked you for the impossible and now you ask of me the same, and so I must answer in the same way. I can not. However, I will always be by your side and if I must, I will die with you for you are my life and Augsta is my soul. I can not live without either of you."

[Naelona Ezel]

He had strayed. Too far, too many times, and she had reaped the consequences of it for her own misguided mistakes. How could he not mean to? What teaching had she neglected that he wander off into the selective companies of others? It wasn't difficult nor complicated. The terms were simple. Such things shouldn't bother her.. but it did. Always had.

"How can you not know where you stand?" Thirteen years and he still had not learned? Or merely forgotten? "I have not neglected guidelines for you, or rules and expectations for your conduct." He knew precisely what she expected of him and she knew he knew how to follow them to a 'T'. He hadn't become her favorite slave by sheer luck after all.

Naelona flinched, startled by the gentle kiss but the boy wasn't refuted for it. Usually she had to instigate such gestures, or imply it was something he should do. It was different to have it occur to the slave's mind instead. It was something she sought for in her slaves - the ability to read and understand her without her having to verbally cue them. This however wasn't something she had implied he should do, or implied he should, but he had.

Resting beside him, Naelona clutched absently at the curled locks near the nape of his neck, resting her forehead against his in return. The first few words he said were ones she wanted to hear, the others.. only twisted at things inside. "No.." she whispered harshly. A slave existed on for their master, and an ideal one for no other purpose or reason. They didn't exist to assist and help others unless instructed. Their only role and drive should be to serve the one that owned them - and that one only. Only she was his Mistress, not the rest of Wonderland. Not the ones he knew and befriended, and least of all that horrid Augusta.

They were the wrong things to treasure entirely.

I can not. Three words that should never cross a slave's lips. And then the following.. Of all the things he could've said, that really was one of the worst. She did hold his life, but apparently that wasn't good enough. He still had a soul to contribute - how could those not be the same?! Inside a twist became a knot, a rend, a tear, an anger. Shaking her head she pressed away from the boy until she sat up on the bed, hugging shaking arms to herself.

"If you are by his, you are not by mine!" Naelona snapped defensively. Kristopher's name didn't even merit mention now. Her arms trembled and hands balled into fists holding fistfuls of sheets and blanket. A heat, an anger wisped like a dying fire. It was far past the time to be angry. She had been angry at the situation for years. A solid, cold understand sunk in instead as she moved away from having any contact with him. The mere thought suddenly felt contaminating now."You don't understand."

Slipping off the bed Naelona took several steps towards the door, suddenly turned and faced the bed-ridden boy. "I asked a choice of you, Kristopher Roberts! I own you - yet you insist on running to other domains! You cannot have life and soul!" Had he already forgotten how much his 'soul' had wounded him? "I asked you to make a decision.." Shuddering against the night, she pulled it closer about her like a blanket. "..but I believe you already have."

[Kristopher Roberts]

This was something he did not want to do, he did not want to fight with her. It was something he alwasy lost at and felt badly for, he hated this as much as he hated Vasant and Aione. "You misunderstand my words." He said with a tired voice. "I mean I do not know where to go, I'm torn and you are not helping me."

She pulled from him, something he wasn't ready for but should of expected of his madam to do. It took a great deal of effort, but the boy managed to sit up on his and lean forward. His hand took hold of her arm. He was not aiming to hurt her, only to keep her from leaving him. "Now you are speaking nonsense. I have done everything you ever asked me to do, without complaint. I have been by your side for thirteen years, even taken care of you. How can I not be by your side, when that has always been where I have been?

Sick as he was, he was unable to keep hold of her, unable to keep her from moving away. "Then why don't you help me to understand? You are leaving me in the dark."

The boy flinched from her words as his gaze fell to his covers. He could not have both? Then what should he do without either one? How was he to handle this, even though it was something he should of known, thought it had been long forgotten. "I do not insist in running. I don't understand what I should do and I ask you for aid and you pull away."

Slowly, he lowered his head into the palm of his hand. "I haven't made any choice, not a single damn one." He was so lost, so confused that he didn't even know where to begin. His heart had been shattered into pieces then grind into dust, his life felt empty and meaningless. He had no options and now Naelona throws at him to pick a choice with her or Augusta? How could he do that...didn't she understand he was responsible for Augusta, how it was his fault he is like the way he is now? He had to take care of him, he loved him as much as he did Naelona.

"If you leave me now," He said slowly, his red eye penetrating the darkness, the pupil turning into a think slit out of his confusion and sudden rage. "You will be no better then him." Oddly, it seemed like the only one to even be able to understand him, was Shaehern of all people.

"What do you want me to do?" he sighed under his breath as he flopped back on his pillows. "Tell you that I love you?" he spoke it in a whisper so she would be unable to hear him as lose she was closer then he thought she was at this moment.

Just maybe, he should of died by Aione's hand then survived. It seemed like he had lived for far too long here. Maybe it was time to through away all cares to the sky and just lay here like a withering old man that he was...

It was better then facing reality, a thing that Kristopher could never face since the first day his mother stroke out at him.

[Naelona Ezel]

"Where to go?" Naelona looked at the boy in disbelief. He had at least one functioning eye, and he couldn't see out the other? Surely it wasn't that difficult of a path to determine. "Kristopher - there is only one way for you to!" She owned him.. he should only go to her. Wasn't that obvious?

"No NOT tell me what I am speaking! You have left me several times - and each is worst than the last! How many times have I caught you? How many times have I caught you off by that boy? Do you realize the only reason I ever vacated by duties and allowed Tristan to take over them was because of you? Do you not see the state you rendered me??" It was right after she'd caught the boys together, and luckily for Kristopher that Jou saw fit to pluck the small woman off of him. If not, he wouldn't have had any eye for Kazn to gouge from him.

There were a million and one ways she could pick apart his words, most of them not worth mentioning. "You have an eye Kristopher. Open it." She snapped. Yes she was making it more dark in that room, but it wasn't that dark. On her arm where Kristopher had tried to hang onto her, Nae rubbed the palm of her other hand turning the skin pink. "You have made a choice Kristopher. I told you to decide, you chose neither. Before I warned you about that boy, you chose to go to him. I have warned you what becomes of slaves.." Naelona sighed heavily. "..you chose to follow me in every way but one."

Naelona suddenly bristled, two coal gray eyes snapping to that one slitted red one. Him? There really was only one male she knew of that Kris would decline for stating the name of, to which the comparison was hardly appreciated. "Do not threaten me with dictation of my actions." The back of one hand sorely wanted to contact his face, but neither foot was willing to advance her to his bedside.

"I have already told you what I have wanted from you." Naelona stood a little straighter and the darkness relented slightly, leaving her as a lone standing figure in the dark room. Her white streaks shown out brightly from the darkness. "But if you insist I share what is not yours to give, so be it. I have endured enough of this, Kristopher. I-.." Her voice started, and then stopped.

Looking upon the boy in that bed a pain crossed her features, a look to her eyes that even now there was more going on beneath than she was allowing to show. The weight of the words pulled her strained voice as the hushed words sounded loudly to her ears in the small hospital room. "I will not threaten Wonderland for your sake."

[Kristopher Roberts]

The blond said nothing as his Madam hammered him with words. Words he didn't care to hear or even have a part of, he stared at her from under his long curly bangs. His fist clenched heavily in his sheets as his breathing became rough.

His shoulders shook with an unknown rage, one he never felt before in all his life. Kristopher had never been a violent man, in fact he hated such things. But for some reason, the more this woman spoke the more enraged he became. He couldn't understand it but at the same time he didn't care. She wasn't helping him, she wasn't going too! Just like everyone else, no one gave a fucking care in the world about him!

"Do you think I meant to do such things to you, Naelona? Do you?!" He inquired with a deep voice, upset and unknowing what to do. "I can see the sight you are in and when I try to make you better you become like this! What did I do wrong? I try so goddamn hard and you turn away from me!"

The only eye to stare at her was the red slitted one, it seemed to glow with its own eerie life as the emerald could no longer be seen behind his bangs. The eye stared at her, as if it was digging into her body, her very soul and ripping it right out. "My eyes are open, I made mistakes and now you wave them around in front of me like a diseased piece of candy. Mocking me. You ask me to make a choice I can not make and you know well that I can not! Because I can not handle the aftermath of it all! I am not a strong human being, Naelona! Now, now over one choice, one minor thing I can not accomplish and you threaten to leave me?"

His voice came out rougher with each word, they became twisted with an odd accent. It might sound familiar to Naelona, oddly familiar but unable to place it. "What is it I am not allowed to give? My attention, my feelings, or my heart?"

The slit in his eye grew dangerously small until finally it brust right open, the pupil huge as his words came out violently. "I NEVER ASKED YOU TOO DO ANYTHING FOR MY SAKE! It's YOU who keeps me alive! It's you who REFUSES to let this body die and it is YOU who gave me the eye that I see with! Dont't you UNDERSTAND ANYTHING?! I can't choose because I love you both! But you are going to leave me, right here, right now aren't you? You're finally going to throw out the old toy, because he is far too broken and no longer can decide which law to follow! What rule works best! So, go on, go a head and disown me if that is what you want! GIVE ME AWAY! GIVE ME AWAY TO SHAEHERN IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT!"

Tears poured out of the mans agonizing features, his hands went right to his hair, pulling on the curls as he fell back on the blankets. Resting on his side, curling into a ball.

"I can't do this anymore...I can't. Don't make me choose, don't make me see things I can't handle..." His voice became gentle again, broken and sounding more like the Kristopher everyone knew. Even Kender came around and rested on top of his side. The feline's ears jerked back at Naelona, staring at her as if she was an enemy that was harming his owner. The beast, rolled its whiskers, threatening to hiss out at the woman.

The cat was trying hard it seemed, to protect its master and offer him some comfort. She hadn't come to see his master and care for him, she came to make him do things he did not want and the cat was not pleased.

[Naelona Ezel]

Naelona stared incredulously at her slave. He really didn't get it, did he? He could learn, pick up, perceive so many things.. but when it came to her and matters concerning them he was as ignorant and foolish as they came. His servitude was granted and expected, he.. he didn't understand it at all.

The time for pondering and considering 'what-if's and theories was long past. That was the field of madmen, for they were the only ones who ever did so. This was long past such foolish pondering. She had learned that already. Considering such matters only led to more bewildering things that concluded in such very issues as this. They hurt the mind, yet she couldn't extract herself from this situation quite yet.

"These matters were not minor, Kristopher." Naelona stated gravely. So his biggest flaw has come to light. Naelona's voice stayed low, but it quivered. "Ask anyone you please. Anolean, Elric, Kyle.. even your Augusta. I was ill because of your absence. Sick! Do you understand me? I declined to tell you why I was absent - why I could not be here when you were found. Authorities beyond my own deemed I be taken for my ailments. I could not sleep, I could not rest while you were gone. I saw terrors within the daytime, hallucinations, Kristopher Roberts!"

By all rights she felt rather off-kilter from this expression. Her heart beat oddly and her arms felt strange. It was stressful, and difficult. She knew this.. he'll only render me ill as he is.. "I was unwell and by rights I should still be gone. Boogies vanish permanently to lesser matters than these." she added in a softer tone. Standing a little straighter, the boogie bit her lip and looked down at the boy across the room as the last few words bubbled out to satiate this uneasy balance between sanity and the unknown. "..and this all for the cause that you were missing, and I couldn't find you."

At then Naelona shut off the thoughts as something then snapped. The bewildering thoughts that only mulled over increasingly bothersome points. She was a blunt boogie yet such things were difficult to convey- and in more ''reasonable" states of a more stoic mind - this was silly and childish at best. At that moment Naelona felt that known resolve, that familiar calm clamp back about her soul. This whole affair had shaken her personality into something less stable, more volatile, more ill. This was the remedy, the time-proven solution, the solemn thoughts that overruled all irrationality. Clasping her hands behind her back her expression resumed its normally cold demeanor most everyone saw.. but Kristopher. "You were never granted permission to give away any of them."

Her coal-gray eyes widened slightly at the boy's sudden outburst, but for the moment she said nothing. There were so many of his lines she could pick apart into arguments. Assuming she did things for his sake was one, accusing her of a serious lack of comprehension another. Even the line about her old... acquaintance sought to get under her skin but her lips merely pressed into a thinner line as the boy finally gave up and flopped over onto his bed. That couldn't be suitable for his wounds, they had to heal after all, not fester, become infected, and heal him by his fussing.

What stuck out the most was his voice. It wasn't the voice suitable for a slave, and certainly not a proper accent for them. Even imitated, it was insulting. Cold eyes settled upon the kitten, and still the Ezel let the room settle into silence. "Are you quite finished?" Within she still.. something.. was unsettled. A last stirring of the rage that had infected her. A cooled breath and it too was mostly unacknowledged. "You are quite ill, Kristopher Roberts, and have only aggravated yourself needlessly. This matter shall be resumed under more sane and suitable circumstances." He was far too ill for this. And to think he had nearly pulled her in with him. What a dangerous thing.

"Your tongue has become far too loose for your existence, child. Mind I not see fit for you to lose it." There were multiple lines par blasphemy that he had spoken to her. To consider them for any length would be to fly into another rage, or suffer ruin from it. Unbidden thoughts of how a screen keeps in stray embers in a fire came to mind, but was dismissed without consideration. A residual effect of his ill influences, no doubt. Walking to the wall she flipped a switch for the lights, but it apparently did nothing. Glancing once more to the child she grasped the handle to the door. "You are not strong. You are weak, ..and you are mine."

With that she turned the knob and left the room, shutting the door solidly behind her. Oddly as she left, the shadows faded, revealing a light within the ceiling was indeed on. Shining it's feeble illumination into the dingier looking room. Striding down the halls the last bit of anger, rage, whatever poorly-named aftereffect of the confrontation balled a fist. The Ezel suddenly hit the wall, leaving a dent in the aged sheetrock of the wall. Just as easily the disturbance faded from her senses and so straightening her stride she left the hospital with nary a glance behind.

Once more circumstances had reiterated her long-standing position and the aptitude required of it. Once more it became clear why boogies never got involved in such matters. Kristopher was ill and needed to be absolved of his ailments. The boy was ill, gravely ill, ..again.

So be it.

[Kristopher Roberts]

Weak hands trailed through his hair, holding his golden locks tightly. His movements had hurt him, but he never said a word about the aches. He couldn't, Naelona was right on so many matters, he was a weak human male and nothing ever would change that. He never wanted to be like that body his body made him such and now his mind was making him worse.

Was he finally going insane? No human should ever live this long like he had, but here he was and ill as ever. He closed his eyes and evened out his breathing as best he could, his head was burning. It felt like wild fire traveling down his spine, spreading throughout his weakened system. Was it pain from his wounds or something more? He wasn't sure what the cause was for such pain.

Naelona's words did damage to him, far more damage then she might of known about---or maybe she had know what it would do to him. Everything she said was true. He used to be a slave of great control, very cold, to the point, and never disobeying. He rarely talked, he stated out of people's way and life. Then again, back then he had known no body but Naelona. She had been his world, but a human can not just live off of one person. So, his world expanded.

It did him no good, it made his life more complex and choices harder to make. A whimper came from his weak body. Kender moved from his side and curled up near his chest, purring, meowing and rubbing against him in an attempt to calm the human down. His master was upset and so it made Kender upset as well.

Slowly he opened his eyes and stared at his feline, "You'll never leave me, will you?" The accent was still there, his words so twisted it didn't even sound human. Nonetheless, he reached out and captured Kender in his arms and held him close, burning his face into the thick fur. He had never felt so alone in all his life until now.

"I want things to go back to how they where." Pure English now came from his lips as he closed his eyes. Wondering what he would do now and who he could turn too for help.