Anxiety [Kyle]

[Kristopher Roberts]

Kristopher was sitting against one of the many tall trees that held the some of the many hanging Blair Witch wanna be sticks from their thick branches. The blond had left the Boogie Palace and everyone else it seemed. Since Augusta was harmed and now sicker then a dog, Kristopher had been rather with drawn from people, especially his older brother Kyle who he was now getting along with so well.

Until as of late.

But it wasn't Kyle's fault, Kristopher was merely lost and unsure what to do with himself or how to feel. He had so many worries bunched up inside of him, so many failures and what ifs. He wasn't sure if he could handle it, he never had these problems before he met Augusta. Now it seemed to be a monthly thing. His pale lips pressed together as he pulled at the sleeves of his long sleeved cotton shirt even though it was about eighty degrees out today.

His tongue rolled in his mouth as if it was trying to escape some unforeseen horrors. Kris was alone right now, sitting out in the Crimson woods, trying to make sense of what he should feel, how he should react to things and with all the news he had been told of or heard about.

He was stressed beyond belief, depressed and full of anxieties he couldn't get rid of---it was so bad recently that he felt as if his heart was going to be ripped out his chest by simply beating.

[Kyle Roberts]

Kyle on the other hand was wandering through the woods for a much different reason. Yet again his mistress had set him to a task that had no conceivable purpose other than to punish him. What was it this time? Gathering wood to cut into firewood. In summer, or at least what he defined as summer. He could only be thankful that he wasn't like his brother, meaning that he didn't have a fetish for long sleeved shirts.

Today he was in a light gray tank top that was soaked and stuck to his well formed chest due to the amount he'd sweated going about his task. So far he'd managed to get a good armful, and so he was heading back to the palace. He was of course going to have to make several more trips back outside (this was his fourth already), but it couldn't be helped. There was only so much that he could do with one arm, the other was still healing from his run-in with his mistress' father. Cheery fella that one.

He was just approaching a break in the trees when he spotted a flash of gold off to his right. Kyle immediately turned and angled his way towards it, knowing without even looking what it was. Call it big brother's intuition, but he could pick out his siblings via only a few small details. An eye, a glimpse of hair, an ass even, it was all too easy for him.

Coming up behind and to the left of the younger boy, not making any attempt to mask his approach. Afterall he was sure Kris wouldn't mind him stopping to chat. Sure the blond had been rather distant of late, but he and Kyle had grown pretty damn close over the past few months. It was this reason that he always expected Kris to come to him with problems, because he could and would fix them. Whatever it took.

When he reached the boy he dumped his load and the ground, dropping down to sit beside him. For a few moments he simply sat and reveled in the shade, absolutely loving it after having been out in the heat so long. When he thought he could speak without stroking off he tilted his head to the side, studying Kris' face. "I haven't seen you in a while little brother." It might not have been said out in the open, but it was clear what had been said. Kyle wanted to know what was going on.

[Kristopher Roberts]

A single green eye looked down at the ground, watching an ant do it's daily work. An ants life was like his own he supposed, work none stop until someone came by and squished you flat. Go figure, life sucked. So did a relationship sometimes. Thinking of Augy only seemed to make him feel worse by the minute, slowly, the blond drew his knees up to his chest and put his arms around the lanky things that he called legs.

Unlike his brother and Augusta, Kristopher had hardly gained any muscle. He was as lean as ever with only a slight muscle definition. He figured it was because he was always so sick and unable to lift much without hurting himself.

His thoughts came to a slow ended however as he heard someone apporach. He didn't have to look up to see who it was, he knew but the mere sounds of the footsteps and the dropping of wood.


"I haven't seen you in a while little brother."

It was Kyle, his older brother that he had grown rather fond of these past few months. Very close too, though he still had some issues on opening up to his loving sibling because he knew how Kyle fixed things sometimes...and it wasn't always the right way. But his last way of fixing something did save his life---but not his eye, which he touched for a moment, a new habit.

"I'm sorry." his voice soft and apologenic. "I have had--a lot of things to do." The same response as always that he gave and he left it at that for a moment. With the birds singing here and there, it gave the area a peaceful feeling and encouraged Kristopher to speak again, however adding more to his sentence.

"Kyle," he paused, "Can I ask you something and get an honest answer from you?" He waited a moment for Kyle to answer, however never looking at his sibling he then spoke once again. "Am I -- am I a failure?" He closed his only green eye and rested his chin upon his knees then, looking sober if not lost.

"I'm not sure---I think---I'm going to stop being a doctor..."

[Kyle Roberts]

His eyes were closed as he leaned back against the tree, patiently awaiting the answer to his unspoken question. In getting to know Kris he'd learned that patience was indeed a virtue. Hell, sometimes it would take a week to get an answer out of the boy. It was just good for all involved that Kyle wasn't a hothead, Sarah was the one who'd inherited the family temper. Kris was more of the timid smart one. And Kyle was mainly relegated to the role of the big dumb brute, despite being a highly intelligent individual himself. It was mainly because he had a method of conflict resolution that had never really suited Kris, and that he wouldn't allow Sarah to employ for fear of what might happen to her as a result. That method was of course a fist to the face. So far it'd worked pretty damn well.

When Kris finally spoke, Kyle didn't say a word. He knew that the boy hadn't finished speaking yet, he never said anything all at once. It was much more his style to drag things out a bit, to pump up the drama he assumed. His eyes opened when Kris spoke, head half turning towards him. Kris knew that he could tell or ask him anything, so why was he asking? It immediately set off alarms in Kyle's head.

However he was not prepared for the words that came out of his brother's mouth. His face hardened with every word spoken, brow furrowing in anger over the thoughts forming in his head. If this had something to do with Augusta then he swore he was going to beat the hell out of that french idiot. He knew that Kris loved the bastard (for some horribly, horribly misguided reason), but he was really starting to lose patience with him, fast. It was to the point that he only needed one more excuse and he'd be all over him like stink on Iugo. Yet he still waited for Kris to finish, thinking that maybe, just maybe, there was some logic behind this. So far he wasn't hearing any.

Kris finished speaking, and Kyle just scoffed in that reassuringly sarcastic way of his. He then turned his head towards Kris, staring in his eye with a look that caught clearly showed his feelings on the matter. It didn't really take long to pick up on what Kyle meant when he gave a certain look or expression or sound. And his brother had spent enough time with him to be able to have an entire conversation between them just by looking at Kyle's eyes. Nevertheless he felt that he ought to say something, and so he leaned against the tree once more, seemingly boredly staring up at the leaves. "Kris, the only time you've ever been a failure is when you left the game. A young buck like you should still be out at pasture, not cooped up with some shrimpy little stag with a major attitude problem and an ego the size of the Milky Way." He could be quite delicate when he wanted to.

[Kristopher Roberts]

Green eye meet brown and for a long moment, Kris stared at his brother and that sound Kyle made, ugh, he knew what that meant. Kris sighed and put lowered his head so that it was hidden now.

"Kris, the only time you've ever been a failure is when you left the game. A young buck like you should still be out at pasture, not cooped up with some shrimpy little stag with a major attitude problem and an ego the size of the Milky Way."

"That's not what I meant and once again, dating Augusta isn't a failure. He's good to me Kyle. I think I have a very good egotistical stag who loves me and doesn't hurt me." The blond knew what was going on in his brothers mind. He was already blaming Augusta for Kristopher's troubles, which wasn't the case.

"Augusta isn't at fault, I am. I don't think I'm good enough to be a doctor Kyle." He licked his suddenly dry lips. "I let a patent die. For four minutes and freaked the fuck out. I didn't do a thing, that's not very professional like is it?" Of course, he didn't have to say who it was that died for about four minutes. It was pretty clear that person was Augusta and Kristopher felt that he somehow failed to be a great doctor and lover.

"It just seems like I can't do anything right at all as of late, Kyle. Everything I try to do back fires. Hell, Kyle...I even slapped the piss out of a boogie. A. BOO-GIE!" He leaned back into the tree then. "I don't slap boogies, but I did. I full out back-handed bitch slapped a boogie!" Kris was all mixed up right now, he didn't know where to take his story.

He failed Augusta, let him die, failed at being a doctor. Failed at protecting him, failed at trying to be on the same level as Jou.

"I'm lost Kyle. I don't know what to do anymore. I realized that I'm a weak person. I can't do anything...let alone save lives."

[Kyle Roberts]

The more Kris protested, the more he convinced Kyle that he was right. The boy was like an open book, and even though his big brother wasn't much of a reader he could easily read him. When someone, mainly Augusta, was being rightfully accused of something, Kris would get majorly defensive. If they weren't at fault it didn't bother him in the least. And at this moment? He was getting way worked up. That was all Kyle needed to know for a fact that Augusta was the one at fault. As always. Why the hell couldn't Kris have just found him a nice girlfriend? Would have been a helluva lot less headache for all concerned.

As he waited for the blond to continue he picked up a piece of the wood he'd gathered and began playing with it boredly. It was a fair sized piece, about half as thick as his forearm. At least until Kris divulged that piece of completely unknown news. A less controlled person probably would have turned and stared at the blond, but Kyle merely kept his gaze on the branch in his hand. He'd known that Augusta had been put into the hospital by his master, gossip like that spread like wildfire amongst the humans, and it was only natural that at some point in his duties he would unwillingly learn of it. However he hadn't known that he had died, however briefly. When he spoke his voice was even, unemotional, and barely audible. "You can't save them all Kris..." Just like he hadn't been able to save that little boy, that little boy who had only wanted to play hide & seek with his sister and Kyle. That was something he would never forgive himself for. "At least you brought him back..." He'd gladly give his own life if it would give that child back his.

At his brother's little freak out he almost smiled, willpower and an extremely bad mood being the only things to hold it back. Still, he did feel a bit better. And he was proud of his brother for standing up to a boogie like that, even if it was for someone who didn't deserve it, in Kyle's eyes at least. For some reason Kris wasn't too happy about it, and so Kyle once again half turned his head towards him. "I've still gotcha beat Kris. I popped a boogie prick in the jaw remember? And not just any boogie, Miss Nae's dad. So your gonna try harder if you wanna top me." And of course he'll take that last bit as a sex joke.....

Tne next bit was something that Kyle simply wouldn't stand for. He wrapped his arm around Kris' shoulders, gritting his teeth in pain as the shattered forearm jerked about a bit. Nevertheless he managed to give his little brother a reassuring squeeze without passing out. "Your not lost, because you've got me and Sarah. We'll help you see your way through. And besides, your a helluva lot stronger person than me kris, i just want you to know that.

[Kristopher Roberts]

"You can't save them all Kris...At least you brought him back..."

"That's just it Kyle, I DIDN'T bring him back. I didn't save him, someone else did as I stood there off to the side, staring like a lost kid. I just stood there, staring and screaming at a dead body. I was pretty much almost removed from the room a second time. I was told not to get involved and to stay back. I wasn't allowed to get near him, nor could I. I wouldn't even go to him, until I was told too...I couldn't move and it took all my will power to go to his side and stay."

Kris was looking rather low then, he was hitting his low points quickly even if his brother was putting his arms around him. Kristopher didn't feel like Kris, he felt like he was someone else in limbo. He knew Kyle was proud tha the hit a boogie but it made Kristopher's stomach twisted in knots to remember what he learned that day.

That Jou was holding all the strings and could pull them at any moment. He could take Augusta away from him---permentaly this time. He had merely laughed in Kris and called him selfish, weak and a coward. He realized he was that and there was nothing he could do about it. He wasn't made for fighting and he wasn't made for healing---so what good was he to his friends and family? What good was he to this place at all?

"I know I can't save them all, but that was Augusta that I let die. I hit his Master and could of gotten myself killed so easily, but instead I was mocked out right. Even though you say I'm not lost, I still feel like it even though your with me. I don't feel like myself anymore, I'm just here but not at the sametime."

His hand rested on his brothers chest, clinging to the fabric of his shirt and head resting against the shoulder. "I can't even find out whats wrong with Augusta, he's sick and I cant even read the medical books well to find an answer so now someone else is going to look---help me. Im so stressed and worn Kyle, I can't handle this---I can't handle it if he dies again."

He paused, "I want to help him but I know I can't...do you think...he will be mad at me again?" Kris suddenly asked, leaning against his brother. "If I can't find out whats wrong with him---I don't want to see him upset, I just want him happy even if Im selfish."